The Crappiest Job You'll Ever Love (?)

* This is an updated version of the original. *

CNAs are the Rodney Dangerfield of the hospital staff. That is a dated reference but his catchphrase was ”I get no respect," so you get the idea. They don't have the status of a doctor or a nurse, but they are the ones who get things done. At the same time, I would argue it is the crappiest job you'll ever love (maybe).

By a crappy job, I mean one that is literally full of crap. One of the duties of a CNA is to clean someone up after they have gone to the bathroom. The select few can use the toilet. Most go in their diaper, and if you win the ’let's make a mess’ lottery, you might end up cleaning a BM off the floor. It's rare, but every once in a while it happens. To me, I would not want to do that job ever. To others, especially parents, pooping is just one of the functions of a human body. Good, because you will see a lot of it. (I'm really making this job sound appealing, aren’t I?)

From my perspective as a resident, a CNA changes your diapers, feeds you, showers you and deals with whatever task a resident needs done that does not involve a nurse. And they assist the nurse. They also need to keep track of what they've done. Before anyone starts this job, they need to be certified as a nurse’s assistant. That's what CNA stands for. My hospital provides that training free of charge to prospective employees. They really want to eliminate any barrier to applying here.

I am in a facility that is mandated to exist by federal regulation. That is how I am able to afford a place to live that can take care of me 24/7. I have MS that has advanced to the point where I only have use of my left arm. I cannot transfer or walk and I most definitely cannot do any of the regular Activities of Daily Living. I'm a mess! Thankfully, I can still think straight or this article would be written by someone else entirely. I am very grateful that Medicaid exists, that I qualified for it, and that this facility exists and is staffed by the qualified people who work here.

The residents who are here under Long Term Care all have some reason or disability that prevents them from living on their own. Some have an illness that does not allow them to move or speak clearly. Some have dementia or another mental illness. Some are under hospice care. The most dangerous residents don't think clearly and don't know they can't walk safely. They will try to get up and won't understand why everyone around them immediately tells them to stay sitting down. Whatever reason someone is here, they would not be able to afford the same level of care were it not for Medicaid. I know that's true for me.

I did an informal survey of my CNAs and they each get something different out of working here. To some, it's simply their job and they get satisfaction out of doing their job well. Many of the CNAs come from the Philippines originally, although they have lived here for years and are now naturalized citizens. They really appreciate living in the US and being able to make a good living so they can send money to their family. The hospital is very close to a community college that teaches nursing and students can get a job in their chosen field. Those people enjoy helping the residents and getting a fuller picture of what is involved in nursing. Some people just finished taking care of their parents or spouse and now want to get paid for doing that. Some people have a combination of reasons or they just want to help people.

CNAs are multifaceted. They switch between being a caregiver and a psychologist, housekeeper, physical therapist, nutritionist, and improviser. That's if they're good. Or they may not listen to you at all and insist you do whatever they say you need to do. Since so many people are not clearheaded, they can get away with that. Not with me! I make them complete everything I need them to do. To many, I am a pain, but things get quicker when you know my routine.

It helps to be self-motivated, as the majority of residents are not able to give feedback. Or they are downright combative. Most of the CNAs work according to the Golden Rule; they treat people as they would want to be treated. Time moves in one direction and there are only so many years before each of us will need our own personal CNA. (But that's why you had kids, right?) In any case, I am very glad there is a place where the poor, sick and disabled are taken care of with respect and dignity.

It hit me the other day that this place is a litmus test for society. The people here are mostly undesirable. You would not want them as your neighbors.(Not the lady who cries continuously or the man who perceives a shower as hurting him!) But as a whole, we have decided that every person deserves to live with a minimum level of respect and care. We don't send people out on an ice floe to starve and die because they're old or not useful anymore. (And there's a shortage of ice floes because of climate change.) So I thank God (or whatever higher deity you worship) that there are people who, whether they know it or not, are fulfilling the promise of America. It's difficult and really not fun at times, but it's necessary if we want to respect ourselves in the morning.