It was good to write the latest essay as it made me think about the process and really cement it in my mind. (If you're not sure what I'm talking about, mosey on over to the website and check it out.) I still have a hard time with the anger and resentment I feel locked away in the hospital while life goes on around me. That's no good either as it undercuts what I am trying to create. The anger and resentment is because I believe I don't have something that I do. On some level, I do have Humphrey with me; we are together and getting angry because we're not keeps me stuck in lack. This is all next-level multiverse kind of crap. Or I just have too much time on my hands.
Anyway, Humphrey has been very wonderful the last few visits. He doesn't take so long to sit down next to me. A week ago, he even sat directly on my arm instead of next to it. This last Monday, my friend got a really great photo of Humphrey. I've included both of these photos in this post. I haven't been asking for cards, so I haven't been getting them. Of course, I have gotten a few cards and they are up on the wall. When I share this post with my facebook friends, I will include my address.
I'm glad I have finally broken my posting silence. Years ago, I could easily spit out a few paragraphs or even just a few sentences every day. I did that for years. But of course, that was when I was living in my ohana with Humphrey. It's easy to keep up the good habits when you are in a good place in your life. I have been getting tested these last few years.
My sister remarked that she didn't think I had dealt with the fact that I was “ripped out of my home and had to live in the place I never wanted to go”. I appreciate that she put it that way because that's how it felt to me. What do the kids say today? I felt seen. Great! Then she proceeded to tell me that she didn't see how I could afford to live with H, so it probably wouldn't happen. Maybe leave off the soul-crushing pessimism next time. I don't need you to figure out how this will happen. I am the one who can manifest what I want when I am in the right headspace. Talking things out helps me get there. Thank you and I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday season!
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