Monday, November 11th
I spent the morning finishing the blog posts, had lunch, and then Mom and M showed up. They ate lunch and we discussed which movie to watch, which is not a great way to spend our time. We decided on this Rita Hayworth classic from 1946. It also starred Glenn Ford, who was also in last week’s movie. Rita was definitely stunning, but I hadn’t ever appreciated how good-looking Glenn Ford was. Certainly easy on the eyes.
Tuesday, November 12th
Since R, my masseuse, had been rushed a bit last week, she really took her time this week and even added a wonderful face massage at the end. She had gotten the same face moisturizer that I use from Aveda, and as my face had not been moisturized yet, it was great! My CNA came by during the massage and was jealous, but I reminded her that I was paying for this. I certainly don't mind that Mom feels this is necessary for me. I mean, it probably is since I don't move around much. I won't complain and just enjoy it.
Wednesday, November 13th
Just recently, when I look at Humphrey’s photo, the fact that he is really gone is finally hitting me. The day he had his final shot, he left me with such a strong sense of peace and contentment that it overwhelmed my sadness. It definitely helped that I knew I could talk to him through my friend after he passed. Kula had told me he thought Humphrey was a better kitty for me than he had been. So I knew he would not be completely gone, just not in a physical body anymore. I find that eminently comforting.
So it was almost a surprise to not feel him with me anymore. I looked at his picture and imagined him next to me, leaning his body against me the way I loved so much. Yep! There he is! I heard him in my mind, ‘I will always be with you.’ I knew that was true. All I had to do was think about him and he would be there. OK, you can go get a tissue, as I am making myself cry writing this.
Thursday, November 14th
My therapist will not be back for at least another week but she sent me a video of maybe new kitty playing with her adult cats. Very darling seeing a tiny kitty roughhousing with cats five times his size. I'm not sure if my sister's cat would appreciate having a new buddy that wanted to play like that. We will see how that all pans out.
I almost forgot to call TheCab yesterday to make a reservation for Saturday. Luckily, I need to wait till after 2 PM to talk to the lady who makes the wheelchair van reservations. Since she starts so late, she was still there when I called at 8:15 PM. Phew!
Friday, November 15th
I had finally spoken with the nurse about my neighbor‘s TV. I imagine it must be difficult to listen to the TV when you have voices in your head 24/7. In any case, she had been playing the TV at whatever volume she wanted when I moved into the room. Since the neighbors had been a lady with severe dementia and a hospice patient who did not speak English, nobody had complained. I had taken six months to get used to my new surroundings and make friends with her before I started asking her to turn the volume down. Now it was a year after that and I was weaker and needed to use voice controls.
It was a real problem that my iPad could not hear me over the background noise. It was also irritating when dialogue from the TV would appear in my writing. Too loud! The head nurse from the floor had a talk with my neighbor and since she is essentially a nice person and likes me, she started using the headphones again. It's just a matter of time before she forgets why she's using them and takes them off. I will make sure to thank her for using the headphones. I am also going to talk to her to see if she needs more comfortable headphones. I was thinking about getting her wireless ones, but that would require a lot of attention and patience that she doesn't have. Anyway, I have definitely learned to appreciate silence.
Saturday, November 16th
The taxi picked me up at 10 AM, which was early for me to leave but not a problem. The night before I had attempted to get to bed early and had ended up not being able to get to sleep at all. So I was slightly exhausted, but I have learned that I can function relatively well on minimal sleep if it is an occasional occurrence, which it was. Mom made an amazing egg dish called strata with onion and cheese, which I am very excited to have for dinner on Sunday night. She also got a crustless cheesecake called a basque after the region in France where it was created. (The type of cheesecake that this is, not that this cheesecake was made in France and sent here.) It was a wonderful meal with great company and we all had a good time!
I am kind of wondering if I am at the point where I look like I could be gone at any time. That's a little bit of the feeling I got about how everyone was treating me. I'm probably just being a bit paranoid. I am definitely self-conscious about how I look. I can't really do a lot about it, or maybe I can and I just don't try. I certainly don't feel like I could be gone at any moment. I am working on the assumption I will be here for quite a few more years. That's a very optimistic point of view. Maybe I will look down at people after I pass and see them talking about me: ‘The poor bastard thought she had all the time in the world’.
Sunday, November 17th
I tried to get caught up on the blog so I just had to send it to post tomorrow, but I only got through half of Saturday. Oh well, I got distracted by watching shows on Max. I'm feeling the urgency of writing all the things I want to post to my website before it's too late. That means I really need to limit my viewing and apparently I'm just not that disciplined yet. This is what comes from waiting to start writing seriously at age 56. I hope people read this and relate to it, but I don't know. See, it's your fault for not letting me know how brilliant I am. OK, I'll stop now.
The photo this week is of my sister, my aunt, and me at Mom's party. Love the leis! (I was surprised for just a moment when I said ’leis’ and it came out ’lays’. Hello, my Apple overlords, I live in Hawaiʻi. Duh.)
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