Bad day? Read this.

My life sucks way worse than yours. I used to think this was objectively true, and it was for most people. But then I realized I needed to clarify my terms. See, I used to live on Maui, and when the fires decimated Lahaina and other areas, I thought whoa Nelly, you don't have it that bad. I meant to compare my life to a typical bad day (where you get stuck in traffic or something breaks), not an Act-of-God bad day (where your life is catastrophically upended). See if you agree.

I am a woman in her mid 50s with multiple sclerosis that over the last 20 years has advanced so that I only have the use of my left arm. I began using a wheelchair in 2005 and now I can't even transfer by myself. I moved into a 24-hour care facility in September of 2021. My cat now lives with my mom and I get to see him two or three hours once, or maybe twice a week. I live in a room with three other people and our beds are separated by curtains. 

Don't stop me, I'm on a roll. I hate smelling the odors of my neighbors dirty diapers. I hate sitting in my own dirty diapers, waiting to be changed. I hate that they can't get me out of bed that day because they only have three CNAs for thirty people. I hate that even when they I do get me in my power chair, I can't go anywhere without someone else present. That's pretty sucky for an average, humdrum existence.

I suppose you are wondering what antidepressant I take. I don't. Since the mid 1990s, I have developed and nurtured such a strong positive attitude that I am able to overcome my circumstances with simple reasoning. I don't sweat the small stuff and I don't take things personally. I am empathetic to a fault.

I have always understood the importance of gratitude. Not just for the big things but for the small details. I am grateful the smells only last 10 or 15 minutes. I am grateful I can use a suppository to have a bowel movement. I am grateful I am in such a nice facility close to my mom and sister. I am grateful mom took my cat so I can see him at all. I am very, very glad that the staff is so nice here and that anyone takes a job as a CNA (certified nurse's assistant).

It's very easy to wallow in the negative, but what does that get you? Really angry and stuck. I want to create an atmosphere that is conducive to health and healing. Ever since my brain surgery in 1996, I have cultivated a positive attitude. You know what happens when you consciously choose positivity over and over? It becomes your default setting. You don't have to try anymore. In fact, it's difficult to be anything other than positive.

The positivity I am talking about is not an airy-fairy wish for world peace and a million dollars. You don't get what you can't accept. It is an unflinching look at me and a conscious decision to choose joy. Manifesting the life you want begins with your thoughts and positive thoughts create positive outcomes.

But Ellen, you might say, how positive have you been since your life has gotten progressively worse over the last 20 years? Setting aside that that is a pretty crappy thing to say to someone (but since I wrote it...) That's true, but who's to say I wouldn't be in the same place twice as quickly with a shitty attitude. All I can do is keep going with what I have and hope for the best.

I know that might seem like a thin reed to rest my hopes on, but it's all I've got. You make the best with what you've got. You never know what you can do until you try. Insert third cliched inspirational phrase. The truth is you never know what the next minute or hour or day will bring, so I operate on the assumption that things will get better. Humans are frequently smarter than what's good for them. Animals operate solely in the present. They don't ruminate over the past or anticipate the future. Set your intention and practice living in the Now. You may return to your previously scheduled completely ordinary, run-of-the-mill bad day.