Help, Asking for

I have always been in denial about being a disabled person. When I started using a manual wheelchair, I told myself, “This is temporary.” That was over 20 years ago. I have also been very independent and have done things myself. I would go to doctor's appointments and on errands alone. I didn't want to wait for someone else to be available to go with me. I did not need a babysitter.

That's fine except sometimes I would need help. From the very beginning, when my legs started to get weak and I was using a scooter to get around, I learned the rules for when I got assistance. If I looked for help or said to myself, "Wow, I could really use some help", there was no one around. I had to try to do whatever I was doing myself and then while I was trying unsuccessfully, someone would ask me do you need help? Bingo!

Or I would look around and see who made eye contact with me. That meant they were open to engaging with a stranger. I would ask them politely if they could help me. I rarely was turned down. Or I would ask the receptionist or customer service if someone could help me. In any case, I got very used to asking for help. It's really not hard to do. It helps that I am an average-sized woman who would not be considered a physical threat by almost anyone. It also helps that I cultivate a positive attitude so I am emotionally open to strangers.

Hmm, this is turning into an article about how I get help even without asking for it. Nice for me, not so helpful to you. It's easier if you understand that allowing someone to help you gives them a gift. You get the help you need, and someone else feels good that they helped you. I think what makes it difficult is that you need to allow yourself to be in the lower status position of needing help. I was permanently living in that position, so once I accepted that, it was easy to take advantage of it.

Most people do not want to admit they are in that lower status position. We get wrapped up in how we think we are perceived. Let me reiterate: no one gives a crap about how you look. They are too preoccupied with their own insecurities.  Or people have an acceptable alternative to asking for help. I did not. I say, get over yourself! Relax and take advantage of all the help that is available once you ask for it.

There is also a self-esteem issue. For those confident individuals, asking for help is simply adding to their already vast pool of knowledge. For everyone else, they have to weigh whether their need for information is worth interrupting the store employee from whatever they are doing. For some, the answer will be no and they will spend time roaming the aisles searching for whatever they were looking for with varying degrees of success.

Be thankful your need is simply to find an item in the grocery store. I regularly needed help in the ladies room, pulling up my pants or some other semi-intrusive task. I couldn't afford to hire someone to accompany me every time I wanted to go out. For me, the choice was either trust in the goodness of humanity or stay home. Before Maui, I had lived in Los Angeles for 20 years and had used a dinky little scooter the last 3 years. I lost count of how many times strangers would get out of their car and come help me when I did something stupid and ended up on the pavement. I knew humanity was essentially good, or at least good to me.

I don't know if that sounds ridiculously naive, but I have learned that you get what you expect. I expect people to be nice and help me and they do. What are your expectations about strangers? Careful, you can't just say you want good things to happen. You have to believe they actually could.