Monday, April 8th
I did not sleep at all last night. I had a shower but they don't tend to really dry my feet thoroughly before socks are put on. There's a big difference between the towel moving over your skin and air drying. Even if there is no water on me, my skin still feels wet until I feel the towel on me. Anyway, my feet were cold. I am sure the situation is exacerbated by my poor circulation. At first, I don't want to call for help because I don't want to be a bother, and then it gets late and I don't want the entire room disturbed when the CNA comes in and turns on the light to help me. So it ended up being 3:30 AM when I finally called. I know, I know, call sooner and maybe you could've slept a little.
We watched the last half hour of The Jerk and then searched YouTube for early Steve Martin routines. I had not realized that he did many spots on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson on his way up. We tried starting "Soapdish,” but the noise of the movie was too much for my neighbor. Mom and M were particularly flummoxed, as her television had always been played loudly. I have noticed that someone with mental illness tends to have a selfish streak and is not inclined to think of those around them first. The paradox is that K herself is a very generous, thoughtful person when she is lucid. Oh well…
Tuesday, April 9th
I enjoyed telling J about the revelation I had recently. I will be writing about it soon, but part of it is about denial and my refusal to face something. I came up with what I thought was a clever analogy. The denial starts out as a small hole in the floor. One you could easily avoid without much thought. Over time, the hole becomes larger and harder to avoid if you don't acknowledge it. I will hopefully explain everything in detail in a couple weeks. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, April 10th
Crap. I can't remember what happened today. Well it must not have been important…
Thursday, April 11th
I enjoyed telling my therapist about my revelation. It's a very mature place for me to get to, but I'm not sure my mom will ever be able to get there with me. If i can explain it well enough to my sister, she can be my ally with mom. I know she's very diplomatic with mom and knows her limitations and how to approach her.
We had another nice session with A, the Feldenkrais instructor. It's quite remarkable how she is able to get my hand to open when it is locked in a claw-like position. I should do a short video on that.
Friday, April 12th
I slept soundly once I got to sleep, but I need to get to sleep sooner. Part of the problem today was that yesterday I had been adding to my growing weekly blog post using voice controls and, I swear this is real, a word I had said got misinterpreted. I said select "hall,” which immediately was interpreted as “select all” by my iPhone. It just did it again as I was typing the story out. I freaked, and instead of just tapping the screen to force a de-selection of the area, I screamed unselect, which of course is not a command and further messed up what I had written. Anyway, I had to completely rewrite everything. I did not freak out the second time it happened just now.
I quickly enrolled in AppleCare and have since stumped my expert, as my questions have mostly been about Voice Control, a little-known but powerful part of iPhone. Android has its own version called Voice Access, an app you can use on your device. Of course, with Apple, all things are seamless and very well done. I've been able to find the cracks!
Saturday, April 13th
My sister and a friend brought Humphrey! Pam's friend also brought me two bags of Snyder’s gluten free pretzels. That's a good friend! H was very snuggly with me. He lay on my hand for over an hour, which was nice and warm. It was really wonderful to have H all to myself. I think he is a little bit divided when mom is here as well, since he feels very protective of her as well.
My sister brought me lots of food from WF today. They make this nut encrusted salmon that is amazing. My sister brought me the meal plus some salmon, which was on sale. It still cost more than the entire meal. Oh well, it was tasty!
Sunday, April 14th
Mom came a little before lunch to work on my hand and then feed me. I like seeing my mom on Sunday. I told her about the denial analogy, which she agreed was an apt one. I did not mention what I was in denial about. No need to discuss that. Ha!
Have a great week!
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